It is the most beautiful morning I have seen since before this Indian summer... Saturday mornings are my favorite part of the week. Though I have to wake up early to get to the programs morning dosing hours, I get to be a huge nerd and watch my show! One Tree Hill. Brooke Davis is my girl, I feel so much of myself in that character and there have been times (nerd alert!) that I have stopped myself and asked myself what would B. Davis do? I know this seems so dorky but that character is so strong and the writing on that show is amazing. The authors they quote and the insightful voice overs. I adore that show! I channel that women often.
Its almost time to tell him. He is under the impression that at the doctors office on Wednesday I did in fact tell my mother I am having an abortion. I told him that I wanted to give her a couple days to let it sink in before I actually scheduled the appointment. I said I would do it on Monday. So, come Monday, I am going to have to tell him something.
In other news, and better news, I had an epiphany this morning, I am going to be a mother... I am going to have a baby, Tano's baby! With all the drama and bullshit surronding me, the majority of which was in fact self created, it has been completley lost on me that I am pregnant! With all the worry about my husband however, I haven't had the time to stop and think. My dream came true! I AM going to be a mother! As if that wasn't exciting enough, Tano will be the father!
I am starting to understand my mothers excitement. I cannot wait to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I want a boy who looks just like is father and is just like his father, the most gorgeous, intelligent, insightful, profound man alive!
I am going to post some of the love letters he has written me soon.
Shopping for furniture, turning my room into a nursery, buying clothes and carriers and strollers. I can't believe this, after all the years of wondering if I would in fact ever be a mother to a child I gave birth to, its here. Its finally here! God bless Tano. With whatever happens on Monday, God bless him regardless. He has given me something no one else in the world ever could. This child will be born of the most passionate, intesnse and amazing love that has ever existed. We have said on more than one occasion that what we have you cannot fake, you cannot will or lie into existance. We are blessed. We have been given now two amazing gifts from God. Our love, each other and now this child.
How could I ever abort something was created of such a love? Something that is of both of us.
God please let him come around...
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